I have learned a great many lessons through our short time as foster parents. One of the biggest lessons, and one I hope that sticks with me for a long time, is to ask for help. Furthermore, when help is offered... accept it willingly.
I never really considered myself particularly independent or stubborn... I'm pretty much cool with chivalry and submission. I firmly believe in delegation. If the trash can is full, I always think someone else should take it out... I don't have to do everything myself. Or so I thought...
I must confess that suddenly going from two kids to four kids overwhelmed me. I feel kind of wimpy saying that because I know lots of big families. I even know a foster family with eight kids! I'm not sure why these two kids at this particular time in my life sent me over the edge... but they did. I could not get everything done, and I didn't understand why I was not adequate enough to do what God was calling me to do. I should have been able to single-handedly manage the three ring circus at my house. But I couldn't and I was drowning.
For starters these little kiddos have sleep issues. And I like my sleep. I need my sleep. I must have my sleep. Needless to say, an extremely tired me does not function well, and does not see things clearly. All I could see was how much there was to do: buy clothes, fix meals, cram six people in a car that seats five, entertain everyone while Tony was at baseball or church or work, make the crying stop, keep up with homework, meet my church responsibilities, be a kind and caring wife, on and on and on... Although I've been a believer for nearly all my life, I was completely unable to see how God could possibly meet all these needs. After all, I had a very long list.
One Sunday morning, I had a blubbering breakdown at church. A dear friend asked a very simple question, "Well, what do you need?" I rattled off my list of impossible issues, and she listened. Then she did the most amazing thing... She offered to help. By the end of the day she had found us an any-time-we-need-her baby sitter, a ginormous vehicle to borrow, and brought a casserole. Tony and I learned a very valuable lesson that day...
We are not in this calling alone. We may be the ones who have these children in our home, but we are not the only ones caring for them. Acts 4:32 says, "All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had." We have seen that verse come alive through our church family. We have been blessed with clothes, cribs, car seats, free babysitting, support, food and endless prayers.
God re-taught me a big lesson these last few weeks. He equips those he calls. And often times that equipping comes through other believers. I'm so grateful for godly friends to have accepted the call to help us fulfill our calling! I'm also grateful that God is teaching me to accept that help.
A big huge THANK YOU to everyone who has given of themselves so unselfishly to help us out... May God bless your socks off!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
For I know...
Earlier this year I set a goal to read through the Bible in 90 days. It's probably going to take me six months to read through the Bible in 90 days, but I'm going to get it done! Along the way, God has revealed much to me... Familiar treasures and new gems. I'm so glad I finally decided to make this commitment and stick with it.
The biggest blessing of the journey through the Bible has been the timeliness of the passages I've been reading. This has been a tough year for me personally. I lost a wonderful job that afforded me a lot of time at home, time at the school, time at Bible Study Fellowship, and time at church. God provided a new job right away - one that I enjoy, and for that I was and am ever so grateful. However, this new job required that I "go back to work" outside the home. All of a sudden I was thrust into a new life. The life of a working mom. Throw a two and one year old into the mix, and suddenly my life was radically different that it had been just a few short weeks earlier. I found myself grieving... hurting so much emotionally. I realized I was feeling a deep loss over losing my lifestyle.
About that time I was reading through the book of Jeremiah - The Weeping Prophet. I was weeping right along with him most days! I came upon Chapter 29. These are very familiar words to most of us. But at that moment I was really struggling with the "plans to prosper you...etc..." part of it. I didn't feel like I was prospering. I had lost the opportunity to spend my time doing what made me feel like "me". But I delved into the chapter anyway. For the first time, I put Jeremiah 29:11 into context. I realized that verse was written to a grieving and hurting community of Israelites...
4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 8 Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord.
10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
God had carried the Israelites into exile. They lost all that was familiar and comfortable. They had lost their homeland and their identity as a nation. But still God was with them. They were where God needed them to be. Even in the midst of exile and loss He was telling them to prosper! They were commanded to settle down, make new lives, find peace and prosperity... They were commanded to make the best of it! Eventually God would bring them back to Jerusalem, but for the time being they had to make the best of what they had. God did have a plan for them in Jerusalem, but in the meantime He had a plan for them right where they were.
I realized in reading (and crying through) that chapter, that I too felt exiled. I had lost what made me comfortable and cozy and happy. I had lost my easy going way of life. So, what was I going to do? Sit and pout (which I had gotten quite good at) and wait for God to give me back what I had known? Or, would I choose to make the best of what I had now? I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing that passage to me at just the right time. Each day I try to remind myself that this may not be the life I would have chosen or dreamed of. It's hard, it's tiring, and sometimes it's lonely... But it's the life God has given me. He has clearly carried me here, and I can choose to find the joy of my salvation and make the best of it.
Amazingly, with a good old fashioned attitude adjustment, I have found joy again. I am finding new ways to enjoy my life, my family, my church and God's Word. There are still things that aren't fun to me, but hey... that's life!
The biggest blessing of the journey through the Bible has been the timeliness of the passages I've been reading. This has been a tough year for me personally. I lost a wonderful job that afforded me a lot of time at home, time at the school, time at Bible Study Fellowship, and time at church. God provided a new job right away - one that I enjoy, and for that I was and am ever so grateful. However, this new job required that I "go back to work" outside the home. All of a sudden I was thrust into a new life. The life of a working mom. Throw a two and one year old into the mix, and suddenly my life was radically different that it had been just a few short weeks earlier. I found myself grieving... hurting so much emotionally. I realized I was feeling a deep loss over losing my lifestyle.
About that time I was reading through the book of Jeremiah - The Weeping Prophet. I was weeping right along with him most days! I came upon Chapter 29. These are very familiar words to most of us. But at that moment I was really struggling with the "plans to prosper you...etc..." part of it. I didn't feel like I was prospering. I had lost the opportunity to spend my time doing what made me feel like "me". But I delved into the chapter anyway. For the first time, I put Jeremiah 29:11 into context. I realized that verse was written to a grieving and hurting community of Israelites...
4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 8 Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. 9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord.
10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
God had carried the Israelites into exile. They lost all that was familiar and comfortable. They had lost their homeland and their identity as a nation. But still God was with them. They were where God needed them to be. Even in the midst of exile and loss He was telling them to prosper! They were commanded to settle down, make new lives, find peace and prosperity... They were commanded to make the best of it! Eventually God would bring them back to Jerusalem, but for the time being they had to make the best of what they had. God did have a plan for them in Jerusalem, but in the meantime He had a plan for them right where they were.
I realized in reading (and crying through) that chapter, that I too felt exiled. I had lost what made me comfortable and cozy and happy. I had lost my easy going way of life. So, what was I going to do? Sit and pout (which I had gotten quite good at) and wait for God to give me back what I had known? Or, would I choose to make the best of what I had now? I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing that passage to me at just the right time. Each day I try to remind myself that this may not be the life I would have chosen or dreamed of. It's hard, it's tiring, and sometimes it's lonely... But it's the life God has given me. He has clearly carried me here, and I can choose to find the joy of my salvation and make the best of it.
Amazingly, with a good old fashioned attitude adjustment, I have found joy again. I am finding new ways to enjoy my life, my family, my church and God's Word. There are still things that aren't fun to me, but hey... that's life!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
For how long, O Lord?
When we went to foster parent training we had to draw a picture of what our "ideal" foster child would look like. I drew a fat little baby all swaddled up, sucking on its binky, sleeping like an angel. Of course I did... Who wouldn't want an innocent, sweet little bundle of squishiness?
Our trainer was quick to let me know not to get my hopes up. She explained the statistics of kids needing homes again, and told me to keep an open mind. Yeah, yeah... whatever. Almost a year later (the "system" is a little slow moving around here) we got our first call. It was for a nine month old little boy. I was ecstatic! I was going to get my bundle of squishiness after all! What did that trainer lady know anyway? I raced over to the DFCS office, picked him up and brought him home. We had a chaotic afternoon, didn't sleep a wink that night, but I didn't care. I was following God's plan, and He was giving me exactly what I wanted... perfect!
And then we got another call... almost exactly 24 hours later. We needed to return him to DFCS immediately. The judge had ruled to put the child back with his previous caregiver. What?!? I was heartbroken. I had not ever imagined that you could fall in love with a child so quickly, or that you could be so sad to see them go when you had known them for less than a day.
Our next child was a 6 year old little boy with a sad, sad story. I'll never forget taking him to Target that first morning to get the bare necessities. While riding in the cart eating his popcorn and drinking his slushee, he looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said with amazing innocence and trust, "What's your name again?" I reminded him... He replied, "Mrs. Selena, I think I love you."
He'd been in my home and care for less than 6 hours, but he was in love. And so was I. That little guy stayed for almost exactly six months before moving out of state with grandparents. In those months, he taught our family so much. It was amazing to see him experience things for the first time, over come fears, and come to a personal relationship with Christ. He was searching for a "new life", and I truly believe he found the way to that through Jesus. What a privilege to be apart of that before he left.
We delivered him to his grandparents, and 24 hours later we got a call from DFCS again... This time it was for a two year old and one year old brother and sister. Apparently, they had called "everyone", and no one could take them. Of course we said yes... What were we supposed to do? That was six weeks ago, and holy cow has it been a wild ride!
Throughout this year we have asked the same question Isaiah asked over and over...
11 Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?”
And he answered:
Our trainer was quick to let me know not to get my hopes up. She explained the statistics of kids needing homes again, and told me to keep an open mind. Yeah, yeah... whatever. Almost a year later (the "system" is a little slow moving around here) we got our first call. It was for a nine month old little boy. I was ecstatic! I was going to get my bundle of squishiness after all! What did that trainer lady know anyway? I raced over to the DFCS office, picked him up and brought him home. We had a chaotic afternoon, didn't sleep a wink that night, but I didn't care. I was following God's plan, and He was giving me exactly what I wanted... perfect!
And then we got another call... almost exactly 24 hours later. We needed to return him to DFCS immediately. The judge had ruled to put the child back with his previous caregiver. What?!? I was heartbroken. I had not ever imagined that you could fall in love with a child so quickly, or that you could be so sad to see them go when you had known them for less than a day.
Our next child was a 6 year old little boy with a sad, sad story. I'll never forget taking him to Target that first morning to get the bare necessities. While riding in the cart eating his popcorn and drinking his slushee, he looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said with amazing innocence and trust, "What's your name again?" I reminded him... He replied, "Mrs. Selena, I think I love you."
He'd been in my home and care for less than 6 hours, but he was in love. And so was I. That little guy stayed for almost exactly six months before moving out of state with grandparents. In those months, he taught our family so much. It was amazing to see him experience things for the first time, over come fears, and come to a personal relationship with Christ. He was searching for a "new life", and I truly believe he found the way to that through Jesus. What a privilege to be apart of that before he left.
We delivered him to his grandparents, and 24 hours later we got a call from DFCS again... This time it was for a two year old and one year old brother and sister. Apparently, they had called "everyone", and no one could take them. Of course we said yes... What were we supposed to do? That was six weeks ago, and holy cow has it been a wild ride!
Throughout this year we have asked the same question Isaiah asked over and over...
11 Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?”
And he answered:
“Until the cities lie ruined
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the Lord has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the Lord has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”
And the answer we received is the same that Isaiah did... until the job is finished. It might be 24 hours, six months, or a lifetime... We have to follow the call, finish the race, and do the job - until it is finished. There have been times that we thought we couldn't make it one more day. There have been times that we wished we could stop time and make the moments last longer. But each day we wake up knowing the same thing... the job is not finished yet. So we press on to finish the race and complete the task.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Here am I... Send me.
I guess I'll start by explaining how we got to foster parenting... Life before that seems so boring and simple. No one would want to hear about that anyway!
It all started back in 2010 when we hosted The Truth Project through the summer. We listened and we learned about having a Biblical Worldview. My mind swirled with loads of new information, I felt smarter every week. Then we came to the end of the study, and we heard the proverbial question, "Now what?" What do you mean, "now what?" It's not enough for me to have all this really great Biblical knowledge? I have to do something with it? Good grief.
We ended with a prayerful look at Isaiah 6. As we heard these words...
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”
8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
9 He said, “Go and tell this people:
11 Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?”
And he answered:
It all started back in 2010 when we hosted The Truth Project through the summer. We listened and we learned about having a Biblical Worldview. My mind swirled with loads of new information, I felt smarter every week. Then we came to the end of the study, and we heard the proverbial question, "Now what?" What do you mean, "now what?" It's not enough for me to have all this really great Biblical knowledge? I have to do something with it? Good grief.
We ended with a prayerful look at Isaiah 6. As we heard these words...
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
5 “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”
8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
9 He said, “Go and tell this people:
“‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’
10 Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’
10 Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”
And he answered:
“Until the cities lie ruined
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the Lord has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”
and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the Lord has sent everyone far away
and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
leave stumps when they are cut down,
so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”
... We knew God was calling us. How would we answer? What would we do? Would we obey the stirring that had begun years earlier, or would we keep the comfy, cozy status quo?
We always knew that God would bring additional children to our home. My husband was adopted... maybe adoption? My husband is a children's pastor... maybe a summer camp? Our kids are getting older... maybe extra friends over all the time? And then God made his calling very clear.
Our friends had been fostering for a while. I thought it was great. They were crazy... they had to be. Who would do that? I was totally happy to observe their craziness from a distance until one day they came to school with a sibling group of three. The day before they had been at home with their mom in a disasterous situation, the next day they were nestled in our friends' home, in a new school, and coming to church with us. What a change overnight. I watched as those kids settled in, learned about Christ, grew and matured, and ended up adopted into a wonderful, loving, Godly forever home.
As Tony and I saw those kids go through the foster care process, we knew that was our calling. We knew that God had given us so much. How could we not give back? How could we hold so tightly to comfort and ease when so many kids were terrified, neglected, and headed toward destruction.
So we answered the call... "Here am I... Send me."
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